One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle you will be lucky to survive.” - Harvey PenickĤ4. “I would like to deny all allegations by Bob Hope that during my last game of golf, I hit an eagle, a birdie, an elk and a moose.” - Gerald FordĤ3. I've played the game for 40 years and I still haven't the slightest idea how to play.” - Gary PlayerĤ2. “Golf is a good walk spoiled.” - Mark TwainĤ1. “I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators.” - Gerald FordĤ0. “The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie.” - Mickey Mantleģ9. “If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.” - Sam Sneadģ8. “If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up.” - Tommy Boltģ7. “I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.” - Arnold Palmerģ6. “It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” - Mark Twainģ5. “Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe” - Lee Trevinoģ4. “Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.” - Jack Bennyģ3. “The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has.” - Will Rogersģ2. “Pressure is when you play $5 a hole with only $2 in your pocket.” - Lee Trevinoģ1. “Golf is a game in which you yell four, shoot six, and write down five.” - Paul Harveyģ0. If you work at it, it's golf.” - Bob HopeĢ9. Not even God can hit a 1-iron” - Lee TrevinoĢ8. “If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. “We learn so many things from golf – how to suffer, for instance.” - Bruce LanskyĢ7. You stand too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.” - Sam SneadĢ6. It took one afternoon on the golf course.” - Hank AaronĢ5. “It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I stepped on a rake.” - Henry YoungmanĢ3. “While playing golf today I hit two good balls. “I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyone’s game: It’s called an eraser.” - Arnold PalmerĢ2. Golf doesn’t care if you’re famous or a professional golfer. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? Clubbing! Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!Ģ0. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play other sports.ġ9. They’re both white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to go out and buy more.ġ8. Golf brings out the 3-year-old in us – we struggle to count past 5.ġ7. The higher the handicap of the golfer, the more likely it is that he’ll be telling you what you should be doing to fix your game.ġ6. Never buy a putter until you’ve seen how well you can throw it.ġ5. You should always try before you buy, especially when buying a putter. The difference between a whiff and a practice swing - no one curses after a practice swing.ġ4. Golf was once a rich man’s sport, but now it has millions of poor players!ġ3. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly.ġ2. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.ġ1. In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft today, in civilized society, it’s called golf.ġ0. If your opponent can’t remember if he shot a six or a seven on a hole, chances are he had an eight on it.ĩ. Golf: a 5-mile walk punctuated with disappointments.Ĩ. If it’s any hotter than that, I won’t play.ħ. Why do golf announcers whisper? Because they don’t want to wake up the people watching.Ħ. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly… or start cheating.ĥ. Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early.Ĥ. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it’s always possible to get worse.Ģ. Enjoy our golf jokes and golf puns! Short Golf Jokes & Punsġ. Some will make you laugh, some will make you smile, and others will make you roll your eyes. Below you’ll find our 150 favorite golf jokes and puns. Don’t take yourself or your next shot too seriously. We could all smile more while playing the game. Does this describe your last round? Were the golf gods laughing at you? Sometimes you have to laugh simply to stop crying. You play great for 17 holes and then hit your drive on #18 out of bounds.
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